July 2009
47 posts
“So anyway, we were talking about my birth plans, which were that S, my sister,...”
– Zoe William on birth-partner etiquette
Too many intials here (what’s wrong with giving the special people in your life hilarious pseudonyms like ‘Hortensius’?) but there’s something a lot more wrong with the degree to which people seem sceptical that women need all the...
“Greetings from Amazon.co.uk. We’ve noticed that customers who have...”
– This morning’s Amazon email. Fascinating!
“‘Jean’, you are thinking. ‘What do the romantic debacles of the country’s most...”
– Himglish and Femalese
Amazing things you learn from Google Analytics
There are a lot, A LOT, of people googling variations of ‘I love British men’. So take heart, British men: you are loved!
Lauren gives me romantic advice
Lauren: [redacted romantic advice]
Jean: Wow! That is exactly what Jean Hannah Edelstein would say!
Lauren: I know! I read her whole book.
“One possibility is that women’s identity has always been framed around...”
– This narcissism epidemic is harming women far more than it harms men | Madeleine Bunting | Comment is free | The Guardian
“Iced versions of normal coffee such as frappuccinos contain so many calories...”
– Calories in iced coffees increase risk of cancer, experts find | Society | The Guardian
When I worked at a well-known coffee chain eight years ago, where my hair was often formed into dreadlocks covered in sweet iced coffee due to blender explosions, we had a laminated list of the calorie content...
Taxi Driver: You're coming home late.
Jean: Yes, my flight to Gatwick was delayed by three hours. And I have to go to a wedding in about four hours from now. *sighs*
TD: Sorry to say this, but you're not going to look pretty.
Jean: Well, fortunately, it is not my wedding.
On the club sandwich
The club sandwich is not a good sandwich. How many times have you thought, Ah, what I would really like right now is a chicken and bacon sandwich with an inexplicable extra slice of toast in the centre. Never. You have never thought that.
But how many times have you found yourself alone in a hotel room, wearing an outsized bathrobe, thinking, ‘Hm, I should eat something, but I can’t...
“And I think I know why: the joie de vivre of the Death Match seems driven in...”
– Put boring literary evenings out of their misery – with a Death Match | Books | guardian.co.uk
On whistling
I’ve been a whistler for at least a decade. Growing up, I played the cello and the piano and sang in the school choir, but whistling is the only form of musical performance at which I am anything approaching remarkable. I whistle when I am happy, and I whistle when I am walking or riding my bike, which is why I generally don’t use an iPod - because it takes away the pleasure. I do not...
“Liked the blog entry about your head. But really, people under the age of, say,...”
– My wee sister has a way of keeping me grounded.
On having an enormous head
When I was a Young Jean, I used to read the articles in women’s magazines that instructed one how to disguise figure flaws through artful fashion choices. There were directions for how to proceed if you were top-heavy, bottom-heavy, unacceptably thin, overweight, short-legged, long-legged, knocked-kneed, gap-toothed. There was nothing suggested with regards to fashion fixes for women with...
Homophonically...
iloveadverbs:
I recently received an invitation to my brother’s wedding. Included in the information about travel, hotel arrangements, dress, etc. was this statement:
Only your presence is requested.
According to my brother, this is a fairly standard way of saying ‘We’re not asking for any gifts’. A common alternative, eschewed by my brother and his fiancée as a bit hokey, is:
Your presence is...
On the semiotics of text message templates
I finally got a new phone yesterday (if you know me, please text me your number as I don’t have it) which is delightful after a phone-free week (I left my last one in a bookshop, oh woe). But as I clicked through the various features, I found myself surprised and amazed by one the pre-set text messaging templates:
‘I love you too.’
I am fascinated by the implication that there are people who, upon...
City shorts on trial / Life and Style / The... →
I started wearing shorts this week for the first time in about a decade. Those who know me well know that I pretty much only wear skirts, except to the gym and if I am, say, doing a high ropes obstacle course, when my solitary pair of trousers gets their bi-annual outing. But last weekend I borrowed a pair of tuxedo shorts (with a cunning purple stripe) from Ben to wear to a gay icon-themed party...
Is the new trend to remove eyebrows a profound... →
OH NO. I was doing so well in the era of big eyebrows; there’s no way I can go along with this if it really catches on. Indeed I will probably have to go and hide on a remote island somewhere until it is permissible to be browed again.
“Print will never die while people have weekend brunch routines to uphold.”
– A Conversation With Jess, Sydney Digital Strategy Director and SomethingChanged.com.au blogger at Andrew McMillen
Hear, hear.
“Another is set in a laboratory in which two male scientists accidently discover...”
– Unfortunately, the article’s aim of engaging with the issue of disability and sexuality was rather obfuscated by this LOL-inducing description of an erotic audio play for the blind.
Letters to JHE: Further thoughts on negging
himglishandfemalese:
…I am a nice person and friendly to people I meet, and only turn into someone who will tell you to piss off if you behave like a caveman.
“It’s been ages since a bit of book-related news made me feel so excited as...”
– The ‘dark side’ of Anne of Green Gables is not news | Books | guardian.co.uk
Review: Pop Babylon by Imogen Edwards-Jones and... →
Review: Consolation by James Wilson | Books | The... →
Fellow cyclists, do you also have this problem?
Whenever I ride I find I feel totally compelled to go at maximum possible speed, which makes me prompt, but also often unnecessarily early, tired and dewy. But I just can’t seem to help myself.
(Please note, of course, that maximum possible speed is not very quick at all; Sebastina is built to be beautiful and sturdy but not swift.)
Authors feel the pinch as recession-hit publishers... →
iainbroome:
Authors are seeing advances reduced to a quarter of what they could have expected two years ago as publishers react to the recession by minimising risks.
Bugger.
Don’t fret, young writers! (And old writers.) Obviously it is much nicer to get a cheque for £100,000 than £10,000, but it’s essential to remember that an advance is just that - a sort of loan that you...
Tate perfects the modern art of living dangerously... →
Twenty-three minor injuries: somehow I find it rather satisfying that health and safety requirements were defeated by art.
“A large number of women want to avoid pain. Some just don’t fancy the pain...”
– It’s good for women to suffer the pain of a natural birth, says senior midwife | Life and style | The Observer
Oh, good heavens. There seems little point in responding to this kind of preposterous claim, but the credence given to it by the Observer (and, indeed, the journal that the views of...
OK, so only Ben is an animal
Jean: ...and then I found a bow tie and a belt in Sebastina's basket!
Ben: Yes, those were mine.
“I understand the value of experimenting with new forms, but that doesn’t...”
– Quoth I. And with that, N and I opted to skip the second half of the opera and drown our sorrows in salted, fried tofu and dumplings.
You people are animals
I’ve mentioned before that people tend to leave detritus in Sebastina’s basket when I park her outside, but this morning I went to claim her in the locked bike shed at my apartment building only to find that someone had deposited a belt and a rather natty striped bowtie in it. From which I can only surmise that someone had an extremely passionate moment in the bike shed during my...
JHE Solves Your Relationship Problems: Sofa Love
himglishandfemalese:
…’Hi Todd, I got your text message from last night - yikes! You’re a really nice guy but I would never get involved like that with a flatmate. Please can you pick up some bin bags on your way home?’
The airport is completely empty.
Jean: (Super cheerful) Excuse me?
Ryanair Lady: (Silent, disgusted glare of acknowledgement)
Jean: (Trying to endure cheer) I'm on the last flight to London and wondered if there was any chance that I could get on the earlier flight?
Ryanair Lady: NO.
Notes from Schleswig-Holstein
- Dreaming: that I was writing the AP German language exam - something that I never did in high school. Evidently buoyed by the confidence of four days in Germany, my subconscious seemed confident that I would manage to scrape a passing mark, but I was also extremely confident (in sleep) that there was still no way that I would ever be able to use the genitive case correctly.
- Watching:...
On literary Lamaze
I was talking to a dear friend on the phone last night; she was holding her four-day-old son as we spoke.
‘I’m so proud of you,’ she said, ‘and your book.’
‘No,’ I said, ‘I’m proud of YOU.’ We laughed.
I thought about this more today, as the drama following Alain de Botton’s riposte to the NYTimes criticism of his book unfolded -...
“Consequently, de Botton said he posted a response to the blog, that was intended...”
– Alain de Botton tells New York Times Reviewer, ‘I will hate you until I die’.
ADB is really smart and savvy and a good cultural critic, I think - I saw him speak at the School of Life on pessimism in April and was thoroughly impressed - so I am amazed by his apparent lapse in awareness...
“In history class, in seventh grade (or as we like to say in Canada, grade seven)...”
– Our True North, Malcolm Gladwell, New York Times
(via ponymalta)
Canada will always have a special place in my heart.
“You drink instant coffee. The food arrives. Fried eggs, fried bacon, fried...”
– The London Review of Breakfasts, Joyce Carol Oats
